I think there's something out there. Call it God, Jehovah, Allah, Ginkgo Biloba or Banane Royale (that's banana split, ya'll). I've considered and discarded the notion that there's a vast no one and nothing out there. God is watching the show and eating a gigantic bowl or popcorn and burping on His/er Slurpie.

Now, with that being said, what is predictable and almost certain is your internal monologue: "So what, Amos? What does that have to do with anything?"

Perfect. While I think we're not alone in a clockwork universe and that God may be a space--a possibility--rather than a person (a cranky, arrogant, monumentally self-absorbed person with terrible parenting skills)--you won't find this anywhere on my website, my nametag or my business cards. And aside from posts like this, I don't lead with God-god-god-god! God-god-god-god! Lovely God, wonderful God--like the Spam song in Monty Pyton's snot-bubble inducing skit.

Now, you're getting a whiff of my problem with where this presidential campaign has gone. We're seeing who can "cling to their faith"--and in the case of Sarah Palin, their guns--with greater fervor. And it doesn't fucking matter.

Not one teensy little bit.

Here's a newsflash: God doesn't care about this presidential election. God also doesn't care which little league team wins, that Sanjaya was robbed on American Idol (or we were for having to watch him) or whether the price of gas goes up, down or does the boogaloo. And here's another flash for Sarah Palin: God doesn't care if you win or lose this election and God doesn't care how hard you prayed for a pipeline across Canada. Shame on you for believing so and for letting that dribble out of your lipsticked lips and shame on the good people of Alaska for thinking so (oh yeah, and on us for thinking that this has anything to do with anything Presidential).

Let me explain it this way. When I was in Africa, in a very remote section of Namibia (a spot in the country where Brangelina wouldn't even venture), I stubbed my foot or toe or something lame and shouted "God!" The villagers (Herero, if I remember correctly) rebuked me, telling me that the Creator was busy running the universe and that we shouldn't distract His/er attention from this important work. "When exactly, I asked, do you invoke That Name?" They offered these suggestions: "When there's a plague that kills your children and those in neighboring villages...when a desert dust storm blows and takes out the forest and all the animals...when the world is threatened with distruction." They explained it to me like I was a mentally challenged child: You don't distract God from the big stuff by begging for the small stuff.

Like pipelines, football games--oh, and winning wars we started.

There are lots of reasons to be worried about Sarah Palin (like her belief that the Christo-Disney version of Creation be taught in public schools), but most of those concerns should be based on law and policy and not on personality, family or faith.

Meaning, we should be concerned with whether she (or Joe Biden) can carry out the Constitutionally-prescribed duties of the Veep, namely:

• Become the Prez if Obama or McCain becomes unable to serve (dies, resigns, gets kicked to the curb by impeachment or is deemed unfit to serve by Dr. McCoy or whoever is the Medical Officer in Chief)
• Be the presiding officer of the US Senate, which entails (1) casting tie-breaker votes and (2) certifying the results of the Electoral College vote.

Pretty much a slam dunk. But when one considers that 21% of the Veeps in US history succeeded their sitting CEO to became President (9 of 43--not including the 5 who became El Jeffe after leaving office), the role becomes much more important than just casting the odd ballot, maintaining a pulse or "inquiring daily after the health of the President." You dead yet? No? OK. Let's have pie.

As to whether Palin's "qualified to be the Vice President" (hell, or President, for that matter), let's settle this (pie is calling me...can you hear it?). The Constitution is our guide: she must be a natural-born US MILG (Mom I'd Like to have Govern) over age 35, who has lived in the US for over 14 years. Now, as long as Todd Palin's efforts to have Alaska succeed from the Union fail, she's got that last bit covered.

These past couple of weeks has shown us for who we really are as members of the electorate: we are easily distracted by quickly-moving, noisy, shiny objects (like YouTube videos) and bloghards who want us to believe that anything other than policy stances should guide our hands when we pull that lever, push that button or poke that chad (gutter bunnies, I'm talking about paper!) on November Fourth.

So how about it? Let's say that her family is creepy, that the breakdown in values or communication or whatever that lead to Bristol's pregnancy is tragic, that Palin's Veggie Tales slant on faith is a little...well...hilljill, that her ability to breastfeed while snowmobiling is laudable, that her attachment to moose meat is icky and that she looks good hefting a semi-automatic.

There!

Now, let's swing our focus around to the real deal and remember: Sarah Palin, no matter how MIA John McCain has become in recent days or how much attention the bloggerati is bestowing on her, is not running for Prezster. She's a diversion.

Which worked.

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